why i decided to get the fuck out of here.

i have been saying that im gonna resign for over a year now. heck, my dad thought ive already resigned. its a compounded and complex reasoning but it all boiled down to the fact that i am now completely unhappy. miserable even. imagine how worse it has become: when i was living with gerald, he’d find me all dressed for work but cant leave; i thought i was that sad already. now i let it get uglier than that. before, i was okay with just being the designated loser. im now a self-loathing-depressed-and-soon-to-be-sponging-on my-sister loser.

i also hated the fact that im leaving here with hatred to the very core of my soul. i hated more that i let the cancer of bad attitude of cliques ruin me. i have gotten to the point where i can no longer take anything and just wanted to walk away from 8 years. maybe thats the theme of my life. nothing can last 8 years. my breaking point and theres nothing beyond it. but thats just coincidence, i guess. theres no cure for this and theres no way to ease the pain im feeling. no drug or words can comfort me anymore. theres no goin back to the way things were. and since i am (still is) the bad egg, i had to be thrown away. i do not want to see the day where i have to throw a bitch fit just so someone would hear me out.

its time i get the fuck out of this place. i will not forgive myself if i completely let people disrespect and laugh behind my back. i cannot live like this anymore. and i can even give up the mediocre salary that this job has provided me.

i do not care what people around me say or think. all i want to do is properly resign and be on my way to live my shitty life away from all the cancer and drama.

ang storya ng pyrex.

the opportunity of a lifetime (sort of) greeted my dear darling friend on an ordinary monday. the stars have aligned for him. the timing was impecable. i imagine him all nervous and fidgety, covering everything with humor, i bet. once again, he chickened out. the courage to muster 3 little words to the girl on the passenger seat escaped him. (its not even the big L word).

there was unmistakable joy in his voice when he told me the story. there was also that tinge of regret. whatever it is he truly felt, i hope that it wont keep him from trying again. anyway, it sort of wasnt counted as a rejection since she never knew about it. 

i wonder if he felt the fleeting moment pass him. i wish it did. so he wont have second thoughts on telling her next time.

Chronic Wheeze

Chronic Wheeze 10 – July 2 2011 
B – SIDE, The Collective, Makati
Featuring Franco, Wilabaliw, Maplesyrup, Faintlight, Dreadknot Used, and Sirens

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porn call

ive been spending a huge chunk of my days talking to people. day in day out. then i started to realize whats goin on. its fun and takes my mind off a lot of issues in my fucked up life. but i feel a little tug in me that warns me not put too much thought in these pointless conversations. mainly because i do not want to make the same mistakes i made in the past. not this time. maybe i want to put the image that ive grown up and grown wiser. of course, thats all a facade. im older, yes. wise? i highly doubt that. im still that giggling school girl–spending hours on the phone with someone i wish would like me for more than just friends. so now, im more cautious than wise. im more careful with what i take in these friendships. i dont read too much into whats said to me anymore.

i wonder, however, if that holds me into indulging myself into falling for someone again. i guess if its time, it’ll present its importance to me in ways i hope i can recognize.

now i wish more than ever that im wise (or sober) enough to see that.

nothing

An Incubus Tribute Party

Incubus Street Team Philippines

Proudly Presents:
An Incubus Tribute Party: If Not Now, When?
July 14, 2011 9PM
B-Side Makati
Suite B, The Collective
7274 Malugay St., San Antonio Village
Makati City

Entrance fee is 150 pesos

Lots of PRIZES to be given away!

New Incubus Album:”If Not Now, When?” to be sold at the venue courtesy of Sony and Odyssey.

All proceeds shall be given to Rock Ed Philippines, Bantay Bata 163 and Make Yourself Foundation.

With Performances by:
Dash Between Dates, LIME, Soil and Green, Letter Day Story, KJWAN and MALAY 

Special thanks to our partners:
Jack TV, Universal Channel, Ovation Productions, Store and Stack, Sony Music Philippines, Odyssey Music and Video, Odysseylive.net, Full Circle Communications, At The Womb, Indie Band News, UR Face Radio, and MYX, Our Official Music Channel.

Event Invite HERE: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=233185013365981

*Don’t forget to save for the new album which hits the shores by July 12, 2011.
**Incubus Concert Tickets for July 28, 2011 are still available!!! BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW!!! Call ticketnet @ 9115555

get a whiff of that

i buried my face in my pillow. the reek of stale beer and tobacco was awful and awfully familiar. as much as i want to dismiss it, i went ahead and tried to place it. i asked the obvious questions. where the hell did i smell this? something? someone? then it hit me. someone. oh shit. a man’s smell. but who? i sifted through my memories. its someone from my past. someone i shared a bed or morning after of drinking spree, countless times. i went blank for a few moments. i could swear i screamed his name out loud. but im certain that it was just in my head. i keep saying his name over and over until he’s all i can think of. it is his smell. its so him. i still remember how he is. took me a while to figure it out. apparently, he’s still there. i thought i have buried everything about him when i decided to let him go. but ive never truly forgotten.

burying my head again in my pillow.

baho.

retro Heard: DAG

a friend shared me the song Lovely Jane by the band DAG. ive never heard of them but that one song got me curious to check them out.  

theres nothing much on the net about the band since they have disbanded pre-internet era. from what ive read, DAG is a funk band from the 90s, doing gigs in bars mostly until they got noticed by a major label. They released only 2 albums, Righteous in 1994 and Apartment #635 in 1998. one of their song, Sweet Little Lass was used in the movie Bad Boys but it was never included in the OST. they disbanded in 1999 without any major acclaim to their name. but the songs ive heard so far were pretty funky and worth listening to.

DAG Albums:

more info on DAG (theres nothing much, really):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DAG_(band))
http://www.allmusic.com/artist/p142659
http://www.myspace.com/custerrecordingstudios

listen to:
Lovely Jane
Sweet Little Lass
Our Love Would Be Much Better (If I Gave A Damn About You)

Thanks bez for sharing.

excited again.

INCUBUS in Manila! its their 3rd time here. hopefully my 2nd time to see them. im overly excited and trying not to be coz i fear for another Killers incident o_O.

last April 4, 2011 the band released the first single from their 7th album, “If Not Now, When?” Check out  Adolescents <click to listen>. The new album is due out on July 12 and the tour is in support of this. Kicking off in the pacific rim this year, i got excited that finally were gonna get first dibs on the new effort from the boys. downside? no setlist to see. im one of those people who like to taste what im eating. or in this case read the menu for an eargasmic buffet of incubus tracks.

i finally got something to look beyond two weeks of my mundane pay check-to-pay check life. im pretty sure this will mess up everything, but what the hell..

see you there, incu-adiks.

more info:
If Not Now, When? written by Brandon Boyd
Incubus Official Facebook page

remembering kurt

<American singer and guitarist Kurt Cobain (1967 – 1994), performs with his group Nirvana at a taping of the television program ‘MTV Unplugged,’ New York, New York, Novemeber 18, 1993. (Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images)>